Aphorisms: my personal 'rules' I try to live by & Lazarus Long
Aphorisms
Sometime at the beginning of 2008 I wrote (almost) all the aphorisms and ideas below. One day I sat down in a Cafe and just started writing like mad. Most are not original or earth-shattering at all. You might disagree with a bunch. These were helpful for me. Perhaps a few, will be to others as well.
These were one of the things which prompted me to write them:
https://minerva.fandom.com/wiki/The_Notebooks_of_Lazarus_Long
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Notebooks_of_Lazarus_Long
I consider the book outstanding, borderline a masterpiece, for various reasons. Some of the ideas are outdated, it was published in 1973. As for my own list, all intelligent input is welcome. Perhaps criticism, improvements and second thoughts are the most welcome of all.
——— BASICS ———
Not one aphorism or rule is valid or apt for all men, all places or all times.
Rules to live by should be subject to occasional and thoughtful change, if not they may well become worse than useless. Study as many aphorisms as you can, among the trite and obvious there are certainly enough gems.
Half of the basic precepts, commandments and definitions of sin in Christianity are in essence very good ideas and make sense. The other half are questionable or even downright atrocious. In practice all commandments are perverted by almost all. This should tell you to be suspicious of any edicts, including any you read now.
———
The only thing I am truly too busy for is too busy people.
Very busy people often make lousy, stressed and inattentive friends and mates.
Stay Active, not Busy.
Stay Idle, not Lazy.
Be Reliable, not Boring.
Being considerably late often equals rude.
It is better to be often wrong than often boring. At least when you are wrong you are bound to learn and improve.
When someone shows or tells who they are, believe them! The first time!
For instance when someone says "I am such a bitch/a failure", "I don't deserve you" more than once or twice early in a relationship. Or when someone lies or breaks trust early on, whether this has to do with a fairly important promise or a loan or if they show far reaching carelessness, these and many more are often clear signs that someone is not worth investing in. In general they will increase these behaviours and treat you worse over time, or new things will come to light that are awful.
Jim Rohn said "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with".
This holds true in almost ever single case. If you spent a lot of time with someone suicidal or primarily negative about the world, long term demotivated, or someone who complains a lot or always achieves little,.. you will almost certainly start following suit at least to a degree.
Surround yourself with people that are at least kind and better than you in one thing or ideally even in many things. Nicer, more positive, better career, more talented, harder working, healthier, socially more clued in etc. Everyone needs friends, but also good examples and mentors, at any age, 9 or 99.
In Bojack Horseman, Wanda says: “When you look at someone through rose coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.” Other well known books and people have expressed similar thoughts, and yet I so seldomly see people in love or that are infatuated taking off those rose coloured glasses in time, including me.
Do not fully trust a person who insists they never contradict themselves. Even if they are right on that count it is probably one of the very few things they are right about.
Be voluntary frugal, not cheap, greedy or involuntary poor. Be generous, especially with friends or people that are worse off than you.
Being poor -even voluntarily- can just as easily be a cage. No worse and no better than being wealthy and using and wasting that wealth unwisely. When each purchase, every pleasure, each distraction and nearly every type of entertainment is preceded by wondering and worrying whether you can afford it,.. you either have too little money or are plain greedy. Money is not super important, but not depriving yourself of worthwhile or even life-affirming experiences and possibilities is.
Read! If you don’t, you might as well be a shit-chucking ape.
If at all possible, write as well.
A great stolen idea is always better than a bad original idea. However, stealing your ideas is not always advisable or honorable. Give credit, pay respect and pay money whenever it is due. Try to contribute and expand on any good idea you take for yourself, then share that.
Carry a pencil and paper or other way to record your thoughts and more at all times. At any unexpected moment you might meet ‘the girl’, find ‘the bargain’, conceive ‘the idea’ or stumble upon that other transient yet utterly worthwhile thing. Don’t let it fail for lack of a simple preparation.
Many great artists were loafers. Then again, many starved, went apeshit or otherwise suffered through horrid lives. Creativity requires creativity, nothing else.
——— Friendship and socializing ———
A true friend is not true until tested.
The only true test of friendship is hardship.
When you are having a bad time together, or when one of the person is suffering, the depth and strength of your bond will be revealed, it is easy to get along or be there when all is peachy.
A true friend will sometimes step aside, put you first and even help you when you have the best or a good chance to find love or get “lucky” in whatever endevour.
It is fit and proper that your best friend, with who you have so much in common, loves two or three things you hate and vice versa.
If that hated thing happens to be a significant other, don’t despair, be patient and steer clear. Few relationships indeed outlast true friendship. I have yet to meet the man or woman that wants to spend all his free time with his or her significant other for more than a few months…
Remember! : “Bros Before Hos!” This applies to any gender. It is a crude saying. I prefer: "Loyalty to friends first."
It is never too late to forgive.
Neither is it ever too late to realize someone does not deserve forgiveness.
Forgiving someone when you are sure they’d betray or hurt you all over again is utter folly.
Like Bukowski said it is important to not hate but to instead realize that you: “feel better when certain people are not around” rather than waste time on hate. Get out of whatever negative thing you are in before hate consumes you.
If your expectations of loved ones are meager don’t be surprised to get meager love.
Mind your own business.
Allow people to make their own mistakes, unless they specifically ask for your advice, help, precautions and experience or they are about to make a truly life-altering error, then you have to speak out, especially if it is a friend or lover.
Learn from others’ mistakes in order to avoid making your own!
——— OTHER ———
Be crafty yet honorable and honest,… at least with those that deserve it.
Try to never lie. Always pay your debts. Your word is your bond. Don’t brag about any of this, but make it clear that people can count on these three things.
Don’t confuse not lying with too radical an honesty or just being a feckless, tactless asshole.
Underpromise, overdeliver
The Roman Emperor Sulla, who actually lived a long, rather happy life, defeated all his enemies, set the state to rights and voluntarily gave up unlimited power/his dictatorship, is said to have written his own Epitaph:
"No friend ever served me, and no enemy ever wronged me, whom i have not repaid in full"
"No better friend, no worse enemy"
Try to avoid having to resort to the latter part of that aphorism, but if someone truly wrongs you, take no shit and take no prisoners. Don't get angry, get even. And ideally in such a way that you come out ahead and your "enemy" never is the wiser. It related to the whole "Revenge is a dish best served cold” thing as well as to what Chloe Neill wrote "The best revenge is a life well lived" There is nothing wrong with completely cutting toxic people or even family out of your life, for a few months, and sometimes forever.
Smoking tobacco in public is utterly indefensible and reproachable. How would you like it if i farted in public all the time….? At least farts are not harmful to others’ health…
If you smoke pot always smoke it pure, no tobacco.
EDIT 2021: those last two didn’t age well! Xd See first two aphorisms at the very top.
In almost everything of consequence expect little but aim sky high. Better to shoot and miss than never taking a real shot at all.
Use your talents, creativity and pursue your hobbies. At least on occasion give them as much time, investment and attention you give your day job. You might wake up one day to find your former “non-work” has become your paid and much loved job or occupation.
Calculate the risks inherent in your dreams. After that, if your dreams are worth the risks make sure you take the risks and doggedly chase the dreams.
——— WOMEN, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS, DATING, SEX ———
Kindness is the most important thing. Someone you love can have beauty, compatibility, achievements, money, fame, intelligence and everything else, but if they are unkind, sooner rather than later you will hate your life with them.
Learn to (also) love being not only single but also alone.
Alone alone is not so bad. Together alone is truly lonely and one of the worst feelings in the world.
Listen. Talk. Often and well. But, listen more. If you don’t communicate by speaking together and in other ways you are doomed.
Less very often truly is more. This almost never applies to love and kindness. It applies to work, expenditure and frequently competition as a matter of course.
Right now, in any city, there are thousands of attractive people wishing they had someone attractive. If you are one of them stop reading this shit and go out! How many new people did you expect to meet in your house?!
I said attractive, not “hot” or “super beautiful by society's standards”, attractive is truly in the eye of the beholder, very variable and the only thing that matters, after kindness.
If an attractive woman is ever so bold and courageous to clearly state her attraction or amorous intentions, take her up on it! Don’t freeze, flee or fight it. By default she has three great qualities going for her.
Women that always wear a lot of make up and/or spend inordinate amounts of money and time on their clothes and appearance are almost invariably overcompensating and insecure. Not necessarily a horrible thing but be wary.
There are very few healthy man alive who do not like seeing their woman partner in a skirt or a dress regularly, and not just because of the quick access. The same applies for tights, hosiery and anything revealing, stimulating or simply just feminine and cosy. I happen to also adore oversized hoodies and faded pyama pants. Or a garbage bag for all I care. If you really like your partner you will likely find them attractive in anything.
There are few woman who don't like being called girl, by their partner, even if they are no longer teens or in their early twenties.
EDIT 2021: I am older now and so are majority of the women I interact with and I did meet a few who prefer “woman” over “girl” :)
Equality and Inequality between a man and a woman,.. either is just as good providing both are aware, accepting of it, happy with the relationship and both are kind to one another. Equity is more important than “equality”.
Do not expect your mate to do or abstain from the same things as you. Just make very sure she or he knows exactly what you’d like her or him to do and not do. Make sure this person is capable and especially willing of both!
Watch crappy or good romantic movies with her sometimes, once a year go to the theater and ballet if she likes that.
Never say something she loves and you don’t “sucked”, instead -and only when asked- say it isn’t really your favorite thing in the world but that going out with her and seeing her really enjoy herself is. And mean every word.
Frequently tell her you are happy you love her and are happy to be with her and don’t desire anyone else. And mean it. On occasion ask her how she feels on those fronts towards you. Listen.
Marriage is not for everyone. A marriage without a pre-nuptial agreement is for no one!
Rarely joke about proposing marriage, especially if you have been together years. At that point either mean it or never utter it. If you propose and she doesn’t say yes, propose to her again after a long period has passed. If she still doesn’t say yes do not ask again. It is her turn, and after you asking twice in vain, perhaps it is best she never asks.
If she wants you to, go (clothes) shopping with her at least every few months. Stay by her side for one or two hours, and enjoy it. No matter how many shops you visit. After that it is acceptable to say you will meet her somewhere close by when she is done. Pick a place where you can enjoy being for a short while to a few hours, maybe a library.
A man who never takes clothing and style advice from his girl is stupid and senseless. A man who always takes her advice on these is a pushover and a giant Ken doll or child. Neither is attractive.
The notion that older women, should not or can not, have long hair is very unfortunate.
Many women ARE like buses. But a select and very rare few you will meet are worth chasing because they -or someone like them- will never come along again, not in 5 minutes, not in 50 years. The key is knowing which ones are those exceptional ones and which are not. If you can’t make the distinction you run a high risk of being stuck on the wrong side of town -possibly for years- with a broken down bus that is beyond redemption. Don’t waste your life and erase your happiness by staying with the wrong person. Know when to go all in. Know when to fold your hand.
There are millions of beautiful and/or attractive women. Quite a number may even be wooed by you. But the real challenge is finding a willing women you find attractive and with whom you match well in ambitions, desires and companionship.
Never break up with a woman unless you are certain it is permanent. If you have any doubt simply tell her you’d like a short break. Make it very clear why you need one and that you still consider yourselves a couple and fully expect both of you to not do anything which you wouldn’t do before that break.
If one day you find you are physically less attracted to a women you are with and she can not or will not do anything about it, do not let her know your doubts! Simply decide whether you want to be with her or not. Else you just hurt her feelings and make almost certain it can not work out.
Feelings and attraction can and will wax and wane, even in the best relationships.
If you are very concerned about looks, look at a girls’ mother, grandmother and aunts to get some indication of how she might look in ten or thirty years. Always remember you might not look quite the same in a decade or a few either,..
Infidelity -of all kinds- can and does happen to almost anyone. But if it happens to you more than twice in a lifetime and / or after you are twenty five years old or even much older,.. you have very lacking morals and little empathy (the extreme of that is the definition of a sociopath) consequentially you are not worth anyone’s time or forgiveness.
In order to get over a relationship that ended the majority of people need anywhere from a few hours for every day spend as a couple up to perhaps three days for each day spent as a couple. Know what you are like in this respect and act accordingly.
———
Throughout your entire life listen to any and all music that makes you happy, energizes you, comforts you or makes you think, no matter what the genre or what others think.
Music, love, sex, nature and food are the only legal and very cheap drugs with few and controllable side effects.
Plenty of people are intelligent and intellectual but that doesn’t stop half of them from having no common sense and shit for brains. Wisdom is rare and worth seeking out.
At least once seek out advice on crucial matters from a well lived, wise, elderly person that you respect.
While “most men live lives of quiet desperation” unfortunately few of these men are even aware of it in a real sense.
Stretch, do some cardio (any you like) and exert yourself fairly intensely at least thrice a week both mentally and physically.
Don’t underestimate the power of nature, good food, sunlight and women to make almost any man radiantly happy.
Never have invasive surgery that isn’t absolutely necessary. Too much can -and does!- go wrong.
Count on it that the vast majority of doctors will misrepresent and trivialize the potential risks. This ought to be criminal. Since it often isn’t, use your own judgment. And get a third opinion.
Very few things indeed are worth getting stabbed to death over in a lousy bar by a lousy drunk, the same goes for being killed by a distracted or berserk driver running a red light. “Being right” is useless when you are crippled or dead.
Any human should be able to sway others, speak well in public and keep his home and himself reasonably -by his own and his mates standards only- clean.
I love well behaved dogs, cats and babies but don’t want responsibility for my own. If I had to choose one, I’d opt for a dog or cat, much cheaper, always loyal and always unconditionally loving.
Pets and children are a huge and long term responsibility, anyone that acquires either without thinking it through completely is very unlucky at best or dumb, selfish and cruel at worst.
Be very wary of those that are masters at taking and getting others to give too much. Practice spotting them. Their camouflage is very effective,.. until you rip it off.
If you can move, shit, pee, eat, sleep and fuck well,.. be grateful every time.
‘Lazy’ and ‘Lonely’ are almost synonyms.
Carry an “emergency bill” concealed on your person rather than in your wallet. Hide one at home as well. Especially if you are going out at night, going on a date, in a foreign environment, in a hurry or otherwise at a disadvantage. Last resort or hidden money can be the great equalizer or savior in an ’emergency’.
Art is Anything taken to the highest levels and pursued with passion and diligence for it’s own sake.
Applying yourself methodically and studying your chosen art diligently will beat mere talent nearly every time. Talent is immutable, it can not be expanded or increased. Experience and education are infinite.
If you wish to be great in your art: Learn from the best. Practice every day. But whatever you do, and even more importantly: practice efficiently and methodically. If not you are much more likely to remain a dilettante and never become an artist.
Any reasonably healthy person who can not or will not walk or cycle is robbing himself of many things. A person who walks, cycles and can operate a car in an emergency but has no driving license is likely doing fine.
If you want health nothing beats a positive outlook, good nutrition, enough exercise, good sleep and good hygiene. Besides these things, large doses of Vitamin C and D, propolis and perhaps oil therapy appear to have massive benefits for very little cost or effort.
Addition 2021: Hundreds of clinical trials by serious doctors and peer reviewed papers have established without a doubt that (micro)-dosing Ketamine, Mushrooms, LSD, MD(M)A, DMT and some other psychedelics, consumed even just once or a few times, often have profound and rather long lasting positive effects. PTSD, Depression, SAD etc are often instantly reduced and outlook, mood and motivation vastly improved. These substances seem far more effective and far less addictive than majority of prescribed anti-depressants and have way less side-effects.
Dramatic, emotional loudmouths are abhorrent, it makes no difference if they are macho or effeminate ones. Avoid them or if you can, without inconveniencing yourself, make them pipe down.
Good manners and hygiene are very important. If you want to be and especially remain attractive as a friend and mate be discrete and polite about your bodily functions and have good manners. Perhaps even most of all be well-mannered around your long term partner. When alone do what you want.
———
The perpetuation of humanity and having offspring is vastly overrated. How about the perpetuation and growth of happiness and protection of nature as guiding principles?
A person who never ‘pulls a sickie’ either loves their job or has no mind of their own.
In your locality know where the free and acceptable rest rooms are.
If you live in a moderate to cold climate, given the choice, pick your home with a compass. On the Northern hemisphere most of it should face East or South.
A free, grand, beautiful castle will avail no man if he does not feel at home, happy and free in it for whatever reason. Better to be in a tiny shack where you feel good.
The safest -and often most profitable- investment is real estate, both sale and renting it out.
Food will always be in demand and yield a decent and more rarely great living.
However, the world would be a fairer, better and more beautiful place if no man would try to make anything but a fairly modest profit of the true necessities. I feel the true basics for survival ought to be (almost) free. All else, especially scarce or polluting luxuries, ought to be rather expensive.
If you can help it at all do not incur debts, of any sort.
Never suggest lending a great book out to someone. Talk about how great the book is and why, be very enthusiastic,.. but have the other person ask if they may borrow it. If you do it the other way around the person will likely not read it and is more likely to return it late or not at all.
Paraphrasing Bukowski:
‘There are three things you should never lend out if you expect to get them back in the same condition: your partner, your car and your house. In fact, if you are unlucky you may not get them back at all.’
I would also suggest you never lend out anything irreplaceable or hard to replace to anyone that you are not a 100% certain about, and you can only by sure if they have already proven to give things back in the past.
If you need to test someone lend them around twice your hourly wage or something that you say is irreplaceable (even though it isn’t). If they fuck you over, rejoice! You got off real cheap! Now this unreliable loser will never trouble you again and the chances of him or her ever costing you dearly have dropped to nil.
A society or group where public displays of affection are frowned upon or illegal, is backwards and very likely dangerous. The same goes for a society where 50% of their population -women- are second class citizens. The best groups and societies are fine with reasonable displays of affection whether these displays are gay or heterosexual in nature, treat their women very well and make sure women have very easy access to birth control.