Self-help & Positivity: many videos, links & resources that actually work
All the resources below I have carefully curated. I always try to stay away from all things grifty. A number of the videos refer to and use a scientific or statistical basis. Many have helped me, a lot. All have entertained and informed me. I hope a few help anyone reading too.
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Struthless.
Tagline: "A creative guide to life."
Great channel, by a person who has known real darkness & difficulty, recently & long ago, yet finds and shares -very actionable and clear- ways to achieve (some) more hope and joy in life, the internet and yourself. Shares a way to tackle any algorithm or screen addiction and more. #HopePunk
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On jobs and (anti-)work
I am extremely disappointed that Chomsky appears in photographs on a private jet with Epstein. Still sharing this snippet, since it is interesting, notwithstanding that Chomsky is suspect now.
Noam Chomsky on having a job under Capitalism | #chomsky #noamchomsky #job #socialism #capitalism ->
https://youtube.com/shorts/0F9V_hS1_qM?si=w11Wl96fcTLAeHTd
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On dating
I took me a long time, but I simply have learned to accept that some people you must avoid. Even some people that you have great times with. Or that you share so much in common with, or people with great redeeming qualities. Even people that you might love and that might even say they love you.
The people I speak off are simply chronically mentally ill or intense narcissists or can even be sociopathic or psychopathic. Often they hide their massive issues rather well for a while, until they don't.
I have -rather late- learned that no amount of help, love, kindness or understanding will truly help, much less "fix" those issues. They may benefit more from a year of therapy and professional help, combined with the desire to get better, and even then it is uncertain. People rarely radically change their base character.
I now have my personal absolute red flags & deal-breakers much clearer. Hence, I make sure these people get out of my life far quicker than I once did. Because in the past the (collateral) damage to me and my life was huge. I can still wish them well and have empathy (especially if they had terrible youth or simply are unlucky to have enduring depression or deep misanthropy) while at same time not trying to "set myself on fire to keep them warm" anymore. We edit so many things out of our lives, we curate. Doing the same with people, might be the most important of all.
I am a big proponent of idea that:
"You Are the Average of the Five People You Spend the Most Time With."
https://quoteinvestigator.com/2022/08/08/five-people/
Men no longer dating
About people "opting out" of dating, relationships. I was there five years ago, before I met my current partner. I focus on men here, since it is the only lived experience I have had.
For a few years I had simply lost almost all my interest in finding a relationship and hence in women in a romantic sense. I still enjoyed the company of platonic female friends.
I was more than happy with all of that, and it was not in an incelly angry way. Just in a "Wow, this preoccupation, activity and priority has taken so much energy, time and even money since I was a teen. I have dated quite a lot of and varied people, and it never truly worked out or rareeely.."
Additionally, dating has become weird. Generally, in the last ten or more years, i'd say dating has become worse for almost everyone.
My conclusion was: let me just not do that anymore, opt out. Let me instead focus on moving to Spain, on friends, on creating a great environment there, developing my hobbies and social life.
The decision to no longer date was a huge improvement and lead to big and very positive life changes.
I am very lucky that I met partner when I truly was not looking, and that happening changed my mind. We met on an alternative to Couchsurfing site, while she was in a long-term relationship. We were friedly acquaintances for long, and then housemates before we became a couple.
I am very happy to be together because the relationship and she as a person is a complement and improvement to my life in every way. From what she tells me, the reverse is also true. Yet life can ideally be good and fulfilled single as well as in a (good!) relationship. It was for me. There is a lot of pressure from society to not be single, and the sooner we can ignore and not care about that, the better.
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Micro-dosing & depression
Just one dose of magic mushroom compound eases depression for at least 5 years in most patients, small study suggests:
https://reddit.com/comments/1lfb1ab
The Myth of Low-Serotonin & Antidepressants - Dr. Mark Horowitz:
https://youtu.be/j5cT-2BLWk0?si=B1szlZgEq-IqchmL
I've only been depressed (by the MDD definition = more than 2 weeks) during my rather brief and terrible marriage. Before that I didn't -personally- really know what depression was. Sure, I experienced relatively rare, far lesser periods and a very bad day or five sometimes, but nothing long term or clinical. The latter, I wouldn't wish on anyone. Even more so now that I know what can be like. Mushrooms certainly have been helpful to me, in various ways.
I do sometimes struggle with seasonal affective disorder and often with a few members of my family that are dysfunctional as hell. Yet only when I was in a terrible marriage (fortunately not for long) was I truly depressed. A number of times various stressors -family a prime one among them- did have really far reaching physical symptoms, many emergency room visits and test by doctors.
All of the above got a lot better, almost instantly when I did "0 WooWoo" meditation (Sam Harriss), when I journaled and at least as much when I micro-dosed, ideally ca. 3x a week for a week or two, Ketamine or MDMA or mushrooms. Knowing this, is just one more reason why I blog.
While we all work differently, I would certainly urge anyone who has not tried those/not had bad experiences with them to try, but only after reading half an hour. To both look up for who such intervention is contra-indicated as well as read into the copious body of serious medical research that have documented that any of those substances can have, for weeks or months or longer, positive effects and improvement for majority of people that were treated.
All my challenges and physical symptoms got worse when I did or changed little, to the point it was a chicken or the egg (I am sick because I am stressed or,.. am I stressed because I am sick) situation and a feedback loop. To the point that various times I was convinced there was something chronically and seriously physically wrong with me. Fortunately, so far, that has not proven the case! I really hope to keep it that way. Sometimes, you need help.
From my perspective, reading about micro-doing first, also improves the chances you have a good outcome. Combined with deliberately, expressly micro-dosing it, odds that it proves a long or bad experience, are far smaller, than if you were to use in unexamined, recreational sense and at macro-levels.
I don't know anyone who had access to truly professional help with psychedelics, both in terms of legality and money/insurance service in their city. Know just a few who traveled to Ayahausca ceremonies.
Yet I do know at least 12+ people who were sad or stuck or depressed people who had easy access to micro-dosing by themselves and subsequently had very positive outcomes. Particularly if they either read a lot or had a friend join them or stay sober and accompany them.
Sometimes all you need is help, and if official path/institutions are not forthcoming, not helping or not soon enough or you can not afford it,..
Benzos / Benzodiazepines
Benzos or any opiates, extreme care must be taken with those, if they are not absolutely and critically needed, likely best to avoid.
Many professional urge to never combine Benzos with alcohol or any other substances, since it can be extremely risky and even deadly.
Self-Authoring Program & Jordan Peterson
Self-authoring program, I have not done it, and I am certainly not opposed to almost anything that will help anyone that needs help! So if you think it is for you and you can afford $30 for an under 5 hr program and do not mind that Jordan Peterson is one of the three main people behind the program, by all means. If you get solace or even find a lot of meaning and happiness, I would be sincerely happy for you!
However, I personally have about three big issues with Peterson as a thinker, public figure, and especially "example". Not least of which that three people I was -very- close to became raging, regressive dickheads after being being really into his stuff.
Admittedly, they had some of that in them already before they got obsessively into Peterson, and I don't think they ever did the Self authoring course? They just got obsessed about some of his lectures and writing, often started getting interested in Jezus and seem to have gotten a very weird superiority complex, despite obviously being insecure in the first place.
I once heard a good quote along the lines of:
"Peterson appeals so much to sad, lost young men that did not have a father figure or a bad one. He becomes their surrogate daddy telling them they are valuable and to "clean their room". Should they follow most of his advice, of course their life will get better!"
"Yet his advice is trite and obvious, the man himself is a least a bit suspect and those young men had it in themselves all along, the possibility to improve their lives, no dictates from Peterson necessary. And if you do need inspiration, there are far better thinkers, sources of advice, people and examples quite easily found."
Most in the West can easily afford Peterson's course, but there are dozens of other people and causes that help others, that i'd much rather give my money to and which I have zero reservations about.
It is very easy to find the course (or almost all of it) for free online. If any of it really helps you and you find it fair exchange and can afford to, you could always still buy the official one or donate (later).
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Low self-esteem & negative impact
The video about is about (low) self-esteem and what a far-reaching negative impact it can have. I really like the channel and creator, self-aware, funny, quirky and unique.
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Psychology and mental health topics
This **Psych2Go* channel aims to make those topics more accessible. A lot of videos.
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The Infographics Show
A lot of more factual or statistics backed information in a pop culture animated package.
This video is a bit shouty and long but still has some decent sources, data and thoughts on the massively declined birth rates (which applies to the majority of nations, not just USA):
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According To Nicole
Channel with many videos. Quite funny, self-aware young-ish person who talks about, and helps others with advice on a anti-consumerist & frugality mind-set and life while maintaining a fairly comfortable and even somewhat luxurious lifestyle. Understands buy-it-for-life. Walks the walk.
Why stupid people become successful:
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Aba N Preach
This particular video is intense, but very good. About suicide, long-term depression, people suffering in isolation and not wanting to bother anyone and nobody noticing while seemingly the sufferer is doing fine. Until it is too late. It certainly made me see these things from a -for me- new perspective, hearing her side and how her brother was:
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Self-help books
Self-help books get a, often deserved, bad rap. Many are a grift, cash-grab, or just not that good. But there are plenty of exceptions.
https://fourminutebooks.com/best-self-help-books/
Many of those helped me out. Some I did not read (yet), only a few I did not like. As ever: YMMV.
Some that I really liked: "Don't sweat the small stuff" series, "Getting things done", "Happiness is a Choice" as well as books by Mark Manson & by Ruut Veenhoven, who was a "Happiness Professor" at Rotterdam Erasmus University: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruut_Veenhoven
I need to re-read all of them that helped me, as well as a few new ones, as some of the advice is easy to forget or hard to put into practice consistently. Like anything else, helping yourself, is a process, a practice and discipline. At least a little. It is rarely, if ever, one and done.
I really dislike "The Alchemist" it reminds me far too much of "The Secret",.. but I know at least one good friend that loved it. Whatever works for you.
Another I keep coming back to:
How to win friends and influence people
The title is cringe and outdated, yet the book is actually solid, an evergreen and the advice is very good. The ideas sound and are self-evident, they seem simple, but actually not easy at all to consistently do them (all).
When I deep delved into the book and author previously, I found it interesting that Dale Cargie somewhat invented or at least very much popularized the "self help" genre & paid seminars. He took his new last name of one of richest most famous men of his day, and the book was also half intended for success in work and business.
Yet, a big part of the advice contained in the book is "be kind" / "Golden rule", on a personal and private level too. He also talks a lot about: "Become interested in others & become interesting", "have forbearance, give sincere thanks and appreciation liberally.".
Despite most people agreeing on all the above, yet if I try to think of any person that pretty much did all of it, consistently,.. it is perhaps Mr. Rogers.
Mr. Rogers is truly my bar for a good, helpful and kind human being who mattered to, and did good for, so many millions. He did all that without caring about wealth and without having any controversy during his long life, or after. He remains a beacon of decency and even hope.
The person, his show, his ideas and the bio-pics and documentaries, I find all of it extremely wholesome, inspiring and uplifting, I would recommend looking into all of it, to anybody.
It is a high bar, I am very aware I will never be nearly the person Mr. Rogers seems to have been, never mind have his impact. I think that, that is just fine. It is good to have role-models and to strive towards something, just because it seems -and may well be- unattainable, does not make it any less valuable to try the best that you can.
Even if that is very, very little (speaking solely for myself) by comparison. Besides, Mr. Rogers was all about everyone being valuable "exactly how they are" and being liked for that, and being content with that as well.