You don't know it right now, but this is as good as life is ever going to get,...?
It is a powerful and nostalgic sentiment that sentence. But in my honest opinion, and experience, a defeatist one. Especially if people say it about a time that is a year, or even ten years or more in the past,..
Of course for people who suddenly experience real lasting tragedy or severe illness it can ring and be very true.
Yet in the overwhelming majority of other cases, it seems to be a hankering for a past, that simply can not ever come again. In the worst cases, it is a resignation and an excuse to remain stagnant and not even try any more, to not hope for better, to not work on your flaws and by doing all that ensuring that those great times -or something as good yet different- will not come again. Everyone knows at least one person who peaked in high school or uni and then simply stopped growing much and lived in the past (glories) a little too much. Or, someone that became a little more jaded, negative, cynical, self-involved, self-satisfied and judgemental every five years.
Or people who seemed to have become extremely reactionary due to social media, rabbit-holes, echo-chambers or having dug themselves in to a certain world-view, to the point that factual evidence or even reality is of secondary concern to them.
Religion, esoterism, rather extreme right-wing or left-wing politics, medical skepticism, conspiracy theories, one or more of those usually come along with that mindset and change.
I always loved those last lines from the movie "Stand by me".
I once had three friends like that, that were as close to my as my biological brothers, in all truth,.. even closer. And yes, I will miss them forever,. Because I lost those friendships along the way, two of them after decades of friendship.
But the thing is: I don't actually miss those people. I miss the people they used to be, and I once pined for how we used to treat and saw each other. And maybe even, once in a blue moon, I miss a few, very small parts of who I used to be.
Over the years, too much of those people and lots of the mutual regard,.. got lost. Or at very least changed radically or radically refused to change.
As much as we did once try, at one point we could never get back there, to those days, those individuals, that time, that mutual "assume-the best-and-make-sure-things-get-better treatment of one another. At least not for long, nor in a healthy and persistent way. That "fence" had been mended one too many times and could not be made whole again.
And as sad as that is, it also weirdly joyful, because it is life. You can't go back. You can not live in the past. To say: "the only constant is change" is hackneyed, yet factual.
Importantly I have actually very closely befriended 3 persons that are in my life still now. Two of those I am as close with as those former friends of decades! And these newer people have been super close to me for many years now too, one of them I live with. By our own admissions, they are my best friends and I am theirs.
Before I met these a bit newer people, for a time, I believed that, that such a thing would never happen again. That my best relationships and friendships (and times?) were forever in the past. Subconsciously perhaps, I didn't even try much to find friends like that anymore. I had lost my optimism some.
One day,.. I did "just happen". Not overnight and not by itself. It occurred when I changed city, and before that when I started enjoying new hobbies & showing up & putting in time and effort. Inviting various people, getting them involved with more of my hobbies and also showing up for them and their interests. I don't know if it was 10 or 40 persons for each of those few that stuck, but either way it was 100% worth the effort and even the journey had a lot of value in itself.
I don't see us "breaking up" as friends in a hurry at all, maybe not ever.
Of course, these a slightly newer people didn't and won't know me as I was as an 11 or 22 year old etc. Yet the awesome thing about that is: because we are adults now, we have made most of our social mistakes with big consequences, at least once already. Learned from them. We all became better at apologizing, communicating and being kind. As a result, we are likely also more compatible and have a far more stable, non-volatile relationships.
As much as I hate to say it about my old two former friends, "flexible" and good at (especially conflict resolution & harder) communication,.. I don't think many -if any- people that knows them well or once did, would ever say that about either of them. Part of that I love, it is certainly one of the things that drew me to them as a young teen, yet what I needed then, sometimes is very detrimental now. I am forever glad we met and were friends for so long, yet presuming there is no change in personality and communication skills, we are all better off, as we are now: leaving the past in the past.
Despite their many other awesome qualities, in the long run, two-way communication, flexibility, a willingness to change, to accept, and also certainly to deal with issues head on, is not only more important, but it is everything.
Because all people will change. With the years, certainly in a few ways we don't like. But if we accept them, or at least have forbearance and focus on the things we do still love rather than on what we don't like anymore, everyone will be happier. To be fair, the truth is there were some things about them I could never accept either, especially if they came about later and were a complete reversal of their former being and ideas and especially their inability to communicate about our differences constructively.
I never fight with my current friends or partner, or it so rare and in such a limited way that it is truly not worth mentioning. Disagree or slightly argue, very rarely,.. yes. Fight and break off contact -even just for a few hours? Never. And over the years anything even resembling that a little, got even less. Whenever we did get close to it in the past, it was always short-lived and never ad-hominem, zero name-calling or blame-pointing. I don't remember ever going to bed angry nor resentful at any three of them, not in many years.
It always was us against the problem, not ever one person against the other or the perceived "guilty"/"bad" party,.. that makes all the difference. We always talk it out, take our time to do so as soon as is possible and helpful, and doing that is never a "burden": never something we refuse to take on.
Almost every time we both ended up apologizing, and actually finding -different- ways we want to and will do better and improve ourselves and the relationship, and meaning every word of it. Moving on, not ever having the same issue twice because we refuse to resolve it.
At least every decade, and not seldomly every year or two, something or someone (extremely good) comes into my life. And before this great new direction or person appeared, I never, ever would have guessed that, this would become part of my life, not even a week before, nevermind years before it happened!
It is only when we stop trying. When we give up and give into cynicism. When we assume the days of joy, inspiration, happiness, connection, wonder and love are long gone, never to return,.. when we refuse to fix things, when we judge -too many- others to be irredeemable.. that we are actually old, isolated and miserable. And likely lonely.
And -only- if and when we assume and do all that, do we make absolutely sure that our own self-fulfilling prophesy and expectation will become and remain our reality.